Credit: u/manchesterMan0098

  • fireweed@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?

    • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 month ago

      Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.

      Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.

    • Zizzy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 month ago

      See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.

      • El_Scapacabra@lemm.ee
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        1 month ago

        It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.

        /s

  • Maggoty@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    We all need a caring person to nurture and restore our energy. This is a fundamental part of loving someone. Your parents do it when you’re young but that does not mean you stop needing it.

    Both of these posters are toxic in different ways.

  • Omega@discuss.online
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    1 month ago

    it’s insane how jreg (youtuber) gave me the most solid understanding of relationships that was so obvious that I couldn’t believe we didn’t understand already, it’s a mixture of them all, it’s not a partner or a good friend group or parents, it’s to be able to have them all, a therapist can be a guiding figure a mentor and another node to release stress learn from mistakes and overall a decent person to be in contact with even if your thoughts were in control and you were in a good state of mind.

    • Jiggs@lemm.ee
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      1 month ago

      What a pleasant surprise among the defensive takes. Thank you for sharing it.

      The most problematic situation seems to be when not having access to all of them and trying to push your partner into fulfilling all of these roles. To be your partner, parent and a friend(sometimes a therapist even). Sure it’s nice of them if they can, but it shouldn’t be their daily responsibility.

  • Allero@lemmy.today
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    1 month ago

    Uhm, having someone care for you is not a “pathological mother figure”.

    People need this. Men need this. Asking for care is the most normal thing a person can do.

    And then if something is actually wrong, there is a therapist.

    • goodthanks@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      Even people who have put the work into therapy need a loving attachment figure. It’s healthy to be open and vulnerable when you need it.

      • Allero@lemmy.today
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        1 month ago

        Why do you consider such relationships inherently exploitative? Healthy relationships include women caring about men, and vice versa, in various ways.

        Besides, cultural norms and stereotypes commonly prevent men from seeking emotional support and being vulnerable around other men. While it can be said that some men have built this system to begin with, those are not necessarily the same men who struggle from it, and this conflict is hard to resolve. Also, romantic relationships commonly offer the highest level of openness about someone’s feelings, and most couples are hetero, hence, women interacting with men.

        • Drivebyhaiku@lemmy.world
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          1 month ago

          I think the point being made is that often women are called upon to do emotional labour by men who are often only acquaintances who look at them as resources that should be on the cultural hook to dispense emotional intimacy. A lot of women are fed up with the gendered nature of that expectation because you have a lot of men taking of that resource but not seeing it as being something they should actively be doing too and that their lack of reciprocation and participation in that space is a problem.

          The fact that cultural norms prevent men from seeking solace from other men is a problem not just because it’s root lies in a lot of homophobia but because it creates both a category of gendered work for women and isolates men from their peers. Women are often pressured into that role which means if they don’t want to perform that function for any reason they can meet resistance as that emotional intimacy can be treated or assumed as being mandatory.

          Nor is it a good idea to lay all your problems at the feet of an intimate partner regardless of gender. They have a lot of investment in you generally and it is easier to talk with them but they are generally ill equipped to shoulder all of your problems because they lack emotional distance to set you right if you are going astray. They often have other investments in you as well which means they cannot always tell it to you straight because if you disagree or react poorly they might lose you or jeopardize life goals and plans.

          Being approachable and available to provide support should be a genderless issue with neither automatic expectation of providing or expected coldness laid at the feet of anyone.

          • Allero@lemmy.today
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            1 month ago

            Sure, here I strongly agree, and I have no idea who could downvote such a statement.

            It’s just that this conversation took quite a weird tangent (as in “men exploit women, why don’t you fuck off”), and I felt I should set it straight with my last comment.

            Supporting your partner should absolutely be a genderless thing, and it’s not right to just leave it out to women. Women need and deserve just as much gentle care and support as men; failing to recognize that will not lead to any good.

            I was mostly speaking out against the original response on the screenshot, but the original post from that same screenshot isn’t right or fair to anyone, either. Women should not be forced into the psychological support role.

  • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 month ago

    Women: “I want a guy in touch with his feelings.”

    Men: “I want a woman I can share my feelings with.”

    Internet people: “Women aren’t your mommy, go see a therapist with your dumb feelings.”

    Me, too moron to interact with human: “Hello kitty, wanna watch King Of the Hill again? Me too, I’ll get the blanket.”

    • Enkrod@feddit.org
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      1 month ago

      Sorry, not sorry. If he begins this with “Men do not need a therapist.” (And many men do) And then declare that the women men need be soft and caring while verbally presenting the man as a hero who fights his daily battles… that’s just toxic bullshit as fuck.

      I’m okay with somebody accepting and wanting traditional gender roles, everyone’s got their own taste in potential partners and need to find the person right for them.

      But declaring what “men” need and then demanding not only traditional but toxically overblown gender roles for everyone is just… BAH! And the disapproval for therapy, or telling “men” that they don’t need therapy, only a mommy, when many of us do indeed need therapy… that’s just indicative of the most bullshit incel-alpha-baby-needs-a-mommy mindset.

      If you’re a guy and in touch with your feelings (like me, for example), yes, lean on your partner if you need to and they are okay with it. If you are an emotional person, be emotional. But don’t demand or expect to just be able to vomit your shit on your partner and they being okay with it and then cleaning the corner of your mouth with a tissue… Your partner is not free therapy, do not treat them like somebody providing a service.

  • barsoap@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    Going from “men need intimacy” to “manchild wants a mommy” is toxic masculinity on the second guy’s part.

    • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
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      1 month ago

      Ooo that’s kind of a good point too.

      It was definitely dunking for internet points.

    • socsa@piefed.social
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      1 month ago

      The first poster isn’t describing two way intimacy though. They are describing a mommy.

      • Allero@lemmy.today
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        1 month ago

        They don’t say anything about it being one-sided though. Could be worded better, but let’s not assume the worst.

  • pyre@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    “all the battles he fought that day”

    jesus, stop romanticizing having to deal with life dude. guess what, everyone does.

    what are the odds that this guy lost his shit at the man vs bear question.

    • T00l_shed@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      That part got me too. All the battles? Your fucking tps reports are battles? The person at dunkin got your order wrong, is that another battle for the day?

      • exasperation@lemm.ee
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        1 month ago

        This is that meme where the shriveled up dude says “Stop giving me your toughest battles” and Jesus just replies with something like “you literally just have to put the shopping cart back when you’re done”

    • Letsdothisok@lemmy.worldBanned
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      1 month ago

      “Stop expecting women to do all the work.” All the work?

      So men should be expected to do the (actual) work and the emotional work?

      So what good are women? Baby ovens?

    • Dunbar@lemm.ee
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      1 month ago

      Yeah this is something I’ve been trying to walk the talk about.

      I joined an adults sports league and have a few friends I call almost daily on rotation (whether they want it or not lol) and I’ve started feeling a lot more fulfilled and less anxious.

      Most of those friends expect my calls now, and I get questioned if I can’t make it to a practice or game. It feels good to have your presence desired, whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship. There’s an epidemic of men who think that that void can only be filled with a lover.

  • some_dude@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it’s dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.

    • ChexMax@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      I’m not positive you mean this, but you’re implying men shouldn’t pay for their intimacy? You think it should be free? Everyone pays, but in healthy relationship the “payment” is emotional intimacy, acts of service, words of affection etc. No one is walking up to a stranger and banging them without giving anything. Heck even in sex alone there’s “transactions.” During foreplay, I get you a little turned on, you get me a little turned on, I escalate, you escalate.

    • barsoap@lemm.ee
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      1 month ago

      Indeed, from “nurture energy” to “mother figure” is a leap that warrants analysis. “Muse” would be a much closer semantic association.

  • AidsKitty@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    I wouldn’t recommend therapy unless you suffer from a debilitating mental disorder that is responsible for you not being able to participate in life in a meaningful way. Just my opinion.

    • Nangijala@feddit.dk
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      1 month ago

      I completely agree with you. I dunno who this alexnroberto guy is but based on a 2 second search, he comes off as one of those manosphere dudes so I guess we can assume that his comment isn’t based on mutual support, but only the woman supporting the man. I disagree with that world view, but if the message stood alone, I don’t see the issue in partners leaning on one another instead of going to therapy for every little thing that’s wrong in their lives.

      Be like going to the dentist to have him brush and floss your teeth for you.

      There is also this one uncomfortable truth that the therapy crowd doesn’t really want to acknowledge and that is that therapy is a luxury for the rich. Telling someone to go to therapy is actually pretty rude because not everyone can afford to throw thousands at therapy no matter how much or how little they need it.

      I speak from experience. Therapy, if you are poor, can do more harm than good.

        • WhatsTheHoldup@lemmy.ml
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          1 month ago

          So? Not everyone lives in your country either.

          OP is right, many poor people don’t have therapy covered and that’s a calculus they have to deal with.

          You rubbing in your free therapy doesn’t help anyone in countries that aren’t yours.

    • JadenSmith@sh.itjust.works
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      1 month ago

      It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
      If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.

  • HalfSalesman@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    Almost all people have some need (depending on the definition) for physical intimacy. Not just men.

    That said, people saying men need a therapist aren’t saying a therapist would help men and a therapist would authentically be in their best self interest (unless you are extremely patronizing). They’re saying a therapist would fix them, because men need fixing. Its not out of some genuine desire to make men happier.

    What we really need to say is men need re-education. Because it is primarily men that are fucking up the world.

    • drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      Maybe liberals need to take a pro suicide stance on men? Starting in school ideally to make it easy. Because of we are inherently bad what other choice is there when you are not welcome in any liberal group? This is kind of sarcasm. But I really am out of ideas. When rhe left won’t see you as any different then musknor tate regardless of their views then there is no hope.

      • HalfSalesman@lemm.ee
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        1 month ago

        I’m not a liberal. I’m also a man myself. I know you were just being a bit of an antagonistic shitposter, but I would not advocate for suicide obviously. But I’ve already proposed a fairly radical solution of just having fewer male babies in the first place, though as a solution to a different problem: men are romantically lonely, women are not romantically lonely.